5 Reasons We Don’t Develop Meaningful Friendships

CHARISMA NEWS J. LEE GRADY

Do you have really good friends that you can count on for support during the tough times? (iStock photo)

Last month two close friends of mine, Matt and James, drove several hours from South Carolina and Alabama to pray with me about some important decisions I’m facing. They didn’t ask me for money for gas or meals. They didn’t charge me a consulting fee. 

They just wanted to do what friends do—they sacrificed their own time to offer love, counsel and support. They know I’d do the same for them.

I’ve come to learn that good friends are more valuable than money, fame or career success. Yet many Christians I know struggle in the area of relationships. Many people I’ve met—even pastors—admit they have no friends. And many churches are full of lonely people who are starving for friends but don’t know how to make any.

The modern church does not always place a high value on relationships. While the New Testament commands us to “fervently love one another from the heart” (1 Pet. 1:22, NASB), we have developed a cold corporate culture. We are content to herd people into buildings for services and then herd them out. Our main concern is that they occupied a seat and listened to a sermon. 

But did they connect with each other? Even in churches that try to nurture relationships, only a fraction of the people get involved in small groups.

Personally, I don’t believe we will see New Testament revival power or New Testament impact until we reclaim fervent New Testament love. But that realm of love isn’t possible without deep healing and serious attitude adjustments. Here are five of the most serious reasons Christians today struggle in the area of relationships:

1. Self-centeredness. Jesus defined love when He said, “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Real friendship is always sacrificial. We tend to want friendship on our terms; we want to be loved and encouraged and comforted. But if we want that kind of love, we should be willing to give it to someone else first. British preacher Charles Spurgeon wrote, “Any man can selfishly desire to have a Jonathan; but he is on the right track who desires to find out a David to whom he can be a Jonathan.”

2. Lack of transparency. Too many people today live with secrets. We are experts at faking it. We hide our private pain behind masks and thick body armor. We go through the motions and we mouth the right words—but church life becomes shallow and superficial without raw honesty. True friends take off their armor, reveal their shame and share their hearts—and they confess their sins to each other (James 5:16). This is the path to true healing.

3. Bitterness. Paul told the Ephesians, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you” (Eph. 4:32). Yet many Christians today have never let go of their resentments. They don’t realize that people who seethe with anger over past hurts poison themselves—and make it impossible to develop close friends. Bitterness will make you unfriendly—and people will avoid you because you are toxic. We must learn to pay close attention to our hearts and purge any grudge the instant it takes root in our souls.

4. Low self-esteem. Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves (Mark 12:31). But our love for others is short-circuited when we don’t think we have anything to offer in a relationship. Many people lack the confidence to reach out and make friends because they don’t think they deserve to be loved. Self-hatred can be caused by abuse, lack of parental affection, bullying or other factors. If you struggle to love yourself, you must be willing to crawl out of your shell and seek help. Reach out to the people around you. God has prepared someone to pray with you!

5. Fear of rejection. I meet people who have given up on church altogether because they were betrayed. Some have even left ministry positions because friends turned their backs on them. Their attitude is “I will never let anyone hurt me like that again.” But is it really worth it to close the door on the possibility of friendship just because of one or two bad experiences? Proverbs 18:24 says, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family” (MSG). The loyal friends in my life have more than compensated for any disappointments. Friendship is a risk worth taking.

When Jesus brought heaven’s kingdom on earth, He assembled a group of followers who came to be known as His friends (John 15:15). He called them to follow Him as disciples but also to be connected to one another in deep fellowship. Our vertical connection to Christ makes a horizontal connection to our brothers and sisters possible. Don’t let anything stop you from enjoying healthy relationships.

J. Lee Grady is the former editor of Charisma. You can follow him on Twitter at @leegrady. He is the author of 10 Lies Men Believe and other books.

'God's Not Dead' and How Christian Films Are Kind of Like Horror Movies

CHARISMA NEWS DARREN WILSON

 

1998

 

50

 

0

 

9

 

A scene from 'God's Not Dead'

Over Easter weekend, I went to see the filmGod’s Not Dead, which by all accounts has become a certified blockbuster in the realm of Christian films. Made for $2 million, at the time of this writing it has grossed over $48 million at the box office, which is absolutely incredible. I cannot deny its success. The problem I have is how exactly to talk about this film with others.

There seems to be only two ways to approach Christian films these days. The first is what I call the “kindergarten approach,” where everyone is wonderful and everyone is a winner. This, of course, isn’t true at all in the real world, but since kids are small and innocent and cute, we go along with it and everyone gets a ribbon for trying their best. Sure, it’s not a perfect film, we say, but hey, at least people are getting a dose of God when they go to the movies as opposed to all the other garbage that’s out there. Maybe this movie will convince someone not to be an atheist anymore. And it’s made a lot of money so, you know, it must be good. …

Then there is the “Christian snobbery” approach, where well-meaning Christians who are sick and tired of seeing Christian movies not stacking up to the quality of their secular rivals simply unload on a movie like this. The acting is bad, the story is lame, predictable and totally unrealistic, and this movie simply reiterates the stereotype that Christians are shallow thinking, unimaginative twits who are afraid of anyone who doesn’t agree with them.

Both of these approaches, while well-meaning, aren’t very helpful. The first effectively sticks their head in the sand and the second is mean-spirited and haughty. I would suggest a third approach to Christian films, namely a “level-headed” one.

While filming my new movie, Holy Ghost (due out Sept 16), I interviewed Devon Franklin, Senior VP of Production at Columbia Pictures and one of the driving forces behind the new movie, Heaven Is For Real. Devon is a friend and an incredibly smart guy, and he’s a very devoted Christian who understands the movie business better than anyone I know. When I asked him for his opinion on the state of Christian films, he didn’t put on rose-colored glasses or laugh at the message-driven slop filling up Christian bookstores. He instead likened Christian movies to, of all things, horror films.

Devon pointed out that the Christian film is actually still in its infancy, much like the horror film was in the early 1970s. Back then, horror films had no budget, terrible acting, paper-thin story lines, and existed simply to do one thing: scare you. But as the filmmakers behind these films got better, people started to take notice, the movies started to do good business, and in turn, budgets went up, better writers and actors got involved, and the horror film grew to be a staple in the cineplexes.

Christian films, likewise, are getting better (although they aren’t perfect by a long shot), they are getting noticed, they are making money, and it is only a matter of time before the scales tip and the Christian film begins to draw real talent and tell real stories that reach more than just the faithful.

So is God’s Not Dead a good movie? In some ways it is, and in some ways it isn’t. Whatever it is, it is clearly an evolutionary step in the right direction, as is Heaven Is For Real, and (hopefully) as is my own Holy Ghost which will be released later this year.

If God is glorified through any film, then it is a good thing. If He is glorified through a good film, even better. But I look forward to the day when He is consistently glorified through truly great films.

Darren Wilson is the founder of Wanderlust Productions and the creator of various films, including Finger of God, Furious Love and Father of Lights. Darren’s new book,Finding God in the Bible, is available in stores everywhere. Visit his website atwpfilm.com.  

Some Honest Questions for Professing 'Gay Christians'

IN THE LINE OF FIREMICHAEL BROWN

Single Page

 

15.8K

 

184

 

5

 

195

 

"Would your homosexuality come first and Jesus come second?" asks Dr. Michael Brown. (Flickr/Creative Commons)

I have interacted with a number of men and women who identified as gay atheists, and their atheism and their homosexuality were interrelated, since they rejected the God of the Bible because they understood the Scriptures reject homosexual practice. And so, given the choice of rejecting their own identity or rejecting a God whom they understood rejected them, they chose to reject Him.

Today, however, more and more men and women who identify as LGBT are professing to be devoted Christians, believing that the church has wrongly interpreted the Scriptures through the centuries and claiming that committed, monogamous same-sex relationships can be blessed by God.

It is for those of you who identify as both gay and Christian that I’d like to ask some honest questions. You may take them as adversarial, but in reality, I ask these questions in the love of God and the fear of God, being jealous for your well-being in the Lord.

And while it’s easy for some people to throw around the hate word, you will not find a syllable of hate in these words, because there’s not an ounce of hate in my heart.

1. Are you 100 percent sure that your interpretation of Scripture regarding homosexuality is correct?

I’m sure that many of you went through terrible struggles trying to reconcile your sexual and romantic attractions with the Scriptures, and it must have been an incredible relief to you when you heard of a different reading of the Word, one which told you that you could pursue a God-blessed relationship with someone of the same sex.

But are you 100 percent sure before God that your interpretation is correct? Are you willing to risk your soul in giving yourself to something that may truly be displeasing in His sight?

I once heard a gay pastor give a talk about these issues at a local gay and lesbian center, and to my surprise, he was not dogmatic in his presentation, saying that he thought his interpretation was correct, but he was anything but sure and definite. I asked myself: Then how can he doing what he’s doing?

A few years after that, I participated in a forum at a local college together with a lesbian pastor and some others, and again, to my surprise, the lesbian pastor was not dogmatic either, encouraging everyone there to seek the Lord and study the Word for themselves.

Of course, it’s good for us to be humble when approaching God and His Word, and none of us can claim to be right about every single doctrinal issue. But there are some hills that we must be sure enough to die on, and before you enter into a sexual relationship with someone, you had better be 100 percent sure that the union is holy in God's sight and that the marriage is a real marriage.

Paul wrote that whatever is not of faith is sin (Rom. 14:23), and so this is one mistake you really can’t afford to make.

Again I ask: Are you 100 percent sure that God blesses committed, monogamous same-sex relationships? If you say that you are, I can only pray for you. If you admit that you are not, then please, step back and reconsider.

2. Do your beliefs start with certainty about the authority of Scripture, or do they start with certainty about your “sexual orientation”?

From the many stories I have read about professing “gay Christians” (by which I’m referring to those who claim to follow Jesus and practice homosexuality at the same time), a common theme was that they struggled to understand the Word, feeling that the Scriptures were not as clear on these issues as they had once felt. But they were sure about their “sexual orientation,” and that became their primary point of reference. (I put “sexual orientation” in quotes because it is actually a relatively recent concept and one that is subject to different understandings.)

This means that there is a real possibility that you have interpreted the Word in light of your deeply rooted same-sex desires and attractions rather than starting with the Word and letting the Word interpret you. (I get into this in more detail in Can You Be Gay and Christian?)

3. What do you say to those people who are genuinely ex-gay or to those who are still same-sex attracted but have chosen to separate themselves to the Lord unless He changes them?

A close relative of mine was truly and genuinely ex-gay, surrendering his whole life, including his sexuality, to the Lord when he got saved and then discovering to his surprise some years later that he was now attracted to women. (Surely all believers in Jesus must acknowledge that He has the power to do things like this.)

Other ex-gays have told me in detail about how God changed their desires, either through extensive discipleship or through a dramatic encounter with the Lord or through counseling and prayer, and I have no reason to doubt their stories. In fact, I find it to be the height of intolerance to doubt them or, worse still, to mock them.

I also have met many others who say that their same-sex attractions have lessened but not changed dramatically or who tell me that those attractions remain the same as before but that they love the Lord, they know that homosexual practice is sin, and they are living overflowing lives in Jesus, totally content to be single.

As a heterosexual man, happily married for more than 38 years, I certainly don’t understand the challenges you face, but these friends I have just mentioned certainly do. What do you say to them? And what do you say to heterosexual Christians who, through no choice of their own, have remained single their entire lives and yet have served God faithfully and lived holy lives?

4. If you were convinced that God opposed all forms of homosexual practice, would you follow Him anyway?

In my book, I quote the words of a pastor in England who remains same-sex attracted but who renounces those attractions and lives a celibate life. He said that Jesus requires the same thing from all of us—namely, everything—and that He Himself is enough for us. This man's witness speaks volumes to all of us.

Would you reject the One who died for you if you came to the conclusion that He did not approve of same-sex relationships? Would your homosexuality come first and Jesus come second?

I know these are terribly weighty issues, and I don’t write things lightly. In fact, as God Himself knows, it is love that compels me to write, and I do so with pain in my heart.

Will you take these things prayerfully before the Lord? We are praying and interceding for you!

Michael Brown is author of Can You Be Gay and Christian? Responding With Love and Truth to Questions About Homosexuality and host of the nationally syndicated talk radio show The Line of Fire on the Salem Radio Network. He is also president of FIRE School of Ministry and director of the Coalition of Conscience. Follow him at AskDrBrown on Facebook or at @drmichaellbrown on Twitter.

Aborted Fetuses Burned to Generate Electricity in Oregon?

CBN NEWS

 

61

 

2

 

0

 

0

 

Oregon officials were horrified to learn medical waste that includes aborted fetuses is possibly being burned to generate electricity. (CBN)

Oregon officials were horrified to learn medical waste that includes aborted fetuses is possibly being burned to generate electricity.

On Thursday, Marion County commissioners Sam Brentano and Janet Carlson ordered an incinerator to stop burning the medical waste that comes from a Canadian company. 

Both strongly oppose abortions.

The commissioners suspended the shipments of waste until procedures are in place to ensure no fetal tissue is burned.

"We're going to get the bottom of it," Carlson said. "I want to know who knew, when they knew, how long they had known this was going on."

Brentano said, "No rule or law has been broken, but there's an ethical standard that's been broken."

The decision comes a month after reports that officials in the United Kingdom used fetal remains to generate power at medical facilities.

Divine Sign for Israel? Hagee Explains Blood Moons

Divine Sign for Israel? Hagee Explains Blood Moons

By Erick Stakelbeck

CBN News Correspondent

SAN ANTONIO -- The Book of Genesis says God uses the sun, moon, and stars for signs and seasons. Examples can be found throughout the Bible.

Think of how a star led the wise men to Jesus or how the sun stood still as Joshua led Israel to victory over its enemies.

According to Pastor John Hagee, God is getting ready to speak this way once again.

"There's a sense in the world that things are changing and God is trying to communicate with us in a supernatural way," Hagee told CBN News.

"I believe that in these next two years, we're going to see something dramatic happen in the Middle East involving Israel that will change the course of history in the Middle East and impact the whole world," he predicted.

Four Blood Moons

In his latest book, Four Blood Moons: Something Is About to Change, Hagee lays out what he calls celestial signals. He describes how a series of blood moons in 2014 and 2015 will have great significance for Israel. 

Although single blood moons happen fairly regularly, four appearing so closely together is extremely rare. There have only been a series of blood moons a handful of times over the past 500 years.

So what exactly is a blood moon and what is the biblical significance?

"A blood moon is when the Earth comes between the sun and the moon," Hagee explained. "And the sun is shining through the atmosphere of the Earth and casts up on the moon a red shadow. And so the moon appears to be red."

Such moons appear several times in scripture.

In the book of Joel, God says there will be "wonders in the heavens and in the earth, blood, and fire…the sun will be turned to darkness and the moon to blood before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord."

In Acts, the Apostle Peter repeats that verse from Joel. And the book of Revelation says that during the Great Tribulation, "the moon will become like blood."

Blood moons are set to appear in April 2014, on Passover, and then again in September 2014 during the Feast of Tabernacles, or Sukkot.

The timing is the same for 2015 -- a total of four blood moons, all appearing on Jewish feast days.

"The sun and the moon and the Earth are controlled by God almighty," Hagee said. "He is the one that is getting them in a direct alignment on a certain day at a certain time -- but each time, it's a Passover or Sukkot.

Historic Significance

In the past, the rare appearance of four blood moons on these feast days has coincided with major events for Israel and the Jewish people.

In 1492, Spain expelled the Jews. Columbus also discovered America, which became a safe haven for the Jewish people.

"In each of these blood moons, you have something that begins in tragedy and ends in triumph," Hagee explained.

For instance, in 1948, Israel was reborn as a nation.

"After 2,000 years, God supernaturally brought them from 66 nations and a nation was born in a day," Hagee noted. "That again was a supernatural something that happened following the tragedy of the Holocaust."

In 1967, Israel won the Six-Day War and recaptured Jerusalem.

"For the first time in 2,000 years, Jerusalem and the State of Israel were together again," Hagee said.

Nuclear Threat

The blood moons of 2014 and 2015 are poised to appear as Iran works toward nuclear weapons and Israel's neighbors, Egypt and Syria, are in chaos.

"The only reason that Iran will not acquire a nuclear bomb will be that Israel chooses a military solution to that crisis," Hagee told CBN News.

"I believe that if that happens, it will start a series of events that will change the course of world history," he said. "If Israel does not, then it will still change the course of world history."

Hagee has been warning of the Iranian nuclear threat through his work with Christians United for Israel, which he founded in 2006. It is now the largest pro-Israel organization in America, with some 1.3 million members.

He holds nights to honor Israel across the country and at San Antonio's Cornerstone Church, where he serves as senior pastor. The first event, in 1981, drew bomb threats and vandalism from anti-Semites.

Yet Hagee continues his mission.

"If there was ever a time for the Christians of America to stiffen their spine and stand up and speak up, it's now," Hagee admonished. "To see evil and not call it evil is evil. Not to speak is to speak. We cannot be silent and receive God's approval at a time like this."

He said it's still unclear what the coming blood moons will bring, but he is certain of one thing.

"When all is said and done, the flag of Israel will be flying over the walls of the city of Jerusalem when Messiah comes, and it's going to be forever," he said. "And every nation that rises up in judgment against Israel God will punish and punish severely."

Even LGBT Historians Admit No One Is 'Born Gay'

Even LGBT Historians Admit No One Is 'Born Gay'

ALEX KOCMAN

Charisma News

In his article, David Benkof writes, "Sure, there’s substantial evidence of both discreet and open same-sex love and sex in pre-modern times. But no society before the 19th century had a gay minority or even discernibly gay-oriented individuals." (Original photo: Flickr/Mike Krzeszak)

Whether it's Macklemore's "Same Love" or Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," our culture is pretty convinced that homosexuality is inherent from birth.

But as it turns out, those within the LGBT movement aren't that convinced themselves.

In an article in the Daily Caller, gay writer David Benkof presents the solid case of the historians—several of whom are also LGBT—who maintain that the sexual orientation of homosexuality didn't exist until about 150 years ago.

While same-sex relationships and behavior have happened from time to time throughout history, LGBT scholarly studies show zero evidence of any culture with gay-oriented individuals at any point in history.

The mountain of scholarly research also continues to show no "gay gene" accounting for sexual orientation from birth.

The basis of these claims is that sexual orientation, as part of a person's identity, is entirely a modern invention. Even in Greek culture, where homosexual behavior is known to have occurred, the line of reasoning goes, there is nothing to show that even a minority of individuals identified as gay or homosexual in any way. Rather, homosexuality was supposedly considered a supplement to one's regular heterosexual relationships.

The reasoning of such historians also reveals that there was no heterosexual orientation in cultures past at all. Not that no one was attracted to the opposite sex—hardly—but that the idea of heterosexuality as an identifier couldn't have existed in a world were homosexualit didn't exist either. (Fish don't know they're wet.)

In other words, sexual orientation isn't a core identifier like race or gender; it's fully a social construct.

Although Benkof maintains that the LGBT cause can survive in spite of such findings, only the biblical worldview fits in with the facts. So shouldn't this lead to a victory in the so-called culture war?

The Challenge for Christians

The Bible doesn't directly mention the gay orientation because the concept of sexual orientation is a non sequitur both in Scripture and in (as we now know) most of history. The Bible clearly condemns homosexual actions and desires, along with any kind of sexual action or desire outside of marriage. Genesis 5:2, Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, Matthew 5:28, Romans 1:27, and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 leave no room for doubt.

But as long as the LGBT movement keeps the debate framed around sexual identity, Christians will be seen as hating people for who they are.

Christians are seen as saying, "Who you are is wrong, so here's some moral actions that will fix it." But that isn't the gospel at all. When we identify ourselves with Christ's death, we are rendered dead to our human nature and forgiven of all our sins; and through Christ's resurrection, we are both declared innocent and given the ability to live in a new nature—a righteous nature—through God's own Spirit.

On the question of "Who am I?" the New Testament really gives only two options: I am either a natural-born sinner or reborn righteous through Christ. (See Romans 5.)

Thus, who we all areis wrong because we're naturally born into a state of sinfulness. But no actions can change our nature. (No amount of time spent in airplanes will make me a bird, and no amount of time doing good deeds will make me anything other than a sinner.) We need a new nature, and only then can we exchange sinful actions and desires for righteous ones.

Evangelicals must not only 1) faithfully represent the Word's teachings on controversial issues like homosexuality, but also 2) make it known that your true identity from God's standpoint is far weightier than modern social constructs about sexuality.

If culture catches up to the fact that the gay sexual identity is a social construct, then perhaps it will understand that the Bible's condemnations of sexual immorality are directed against our sinful actions, thoughts and nature—not our basic personalities.

But until then, we in the church still have an uphill battle: to preach a gospel that doesn't just correct wrong behavior but creates rebirth.